Emotional Intelligence: The #1 Mindset Skill to Master Before 40

Many of us weren’t raised in homes that encouraged emotional intelligence. We were told to “tough it out,” “stop crying,” or “deal with it.” Unfortunately, no one taught us how to recognize, process, or manage our emotions. That changes now.

Emotional intelligence is the missing piece so many women don’t realize they need. If you’re a 39-year-old mom, wife, sister, or cycle-breaker trying to heal and grow—this blog post is for you.

What Is Emotional Intelligence?

Coined by psychologists John Mayer and Peter Salovey and later amplified by Dr. Daniel Goleman, emotional intelligence (EQ) refers to your ability to recognize, understand, and manage your emotions—and also recognize, understand, and influence the emotions of others.

According to Goleman, EQ includes the following components:

• Self-awareness
• Self-regulation
• Motivation
• Empathy
• Social skills

Goleman also argues that EQ can matter more than IQ when it comes to decision-making, relationships, and life satisfaction.

How a Lack of EQ Affects Daily Life

Ever snap at your kids, then feel awful about it? Or avoid setting a boundary because you’re worried about someone’s reaction? That’s emotional intelligence—or the absence of it—playing out in real time.

• Without EQ: You may feel constantly overwhelmed, misunderstood, reactive, or resentful.
• With EQ: You start making decisions from a place of clarity, not chaos. You stop people-pleasing and start self-respecting.

Unresolved triggers, unmet expectations, and unconscious beliefs often guide our behavior. Developing EQ helps bring those patterns to light, allowing you to shift from reactivity to intentionality.

Real-Life Examples of EQ in Action

In Marriage

Instead of shutting down or going silent, EQ sounds like: “I’m not okay right now, but I need a moment to process before we talk.” That one sentence can shift the energy in the entire room.

In Parenting

You pause before reacting. More importantly, you begin modeling how to handle hard emotions for your children, rather than simply managing theirs.

In Friendships

You start expressing your needs with compassion instead of guilt. You stop over-giving to maintain peace and begin choosing relationships that honor your growth.

In-the-Moment EQ Strategies

• Box Breathing: Inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4, exhale for 4, and hold again for 4. Repeat three times to reset your nervous system.
• Name the Emotion: Say it out loud or write it down. For example, instead of “I’m fine,” try “I feel unappreciated and overstimulated.” Naming it gives you power over it.
• Body Check: Notice where you’re tense. Relax your shoulders, jaw, or hands and ask: “What is this tension trying to tell me?”

These simple strategies help you shift from emotional overload to grounded awareness in the moment.

Journal Prompts to Deepen Your Emotional Awareness

• What emotion do I tend to avoid—and why?
• What triggers me most often? What story do I attach to that trigger?
• How do I want to respond differently moving forward?
• Where in my body do I store stress? What does that part of me need?

Try journaling right after a hard conversation or an emotional day to reflect and reset your internal dialogue.

Why Building EQ Leads to More Peace

According to Goleman, building EQ helps you make better decisions, feel more satisfied with life, and reduce anxiety. It’s not just about being nice—it’s about being emotionally aware and clear under pressure. That clarity spills into every interaction you have.

When you build EQ, you reclaim your energy. Instead of spiraling after every disagreement, you begin to recognize your role, repair if needed, and move forward. Your peace becomes the priority—not the performance.

Want to Practice This in Real Life?

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🍁 Pair it with fall rituals from the Autumn Reset Checklist or set firmer boundaries with the Boundary-Setting Blueprint.