It’s easy to feel like forces beyond your control are working against you. Blaming bad luck, unfair circumstances, or external barriers can seem like the most logical explanation for why things aren’t going as planned. But what if the biggest obstacle standing between you and your success isn’t the universe conspiring against you—but you?
Self-sabotage is a silent dream killer, and most of us engage in it without even realizing it. Understanding what self-sabotage is, why it happens, and how to recognize it in your own life is the first step toward breaking free from it and finally achieving the goals you’ve been chasing.
What is Self-Sabotage, and Why Does It Happen?
Self-sabotage is when your actions, habits, or mindset actively work against your long-term goals and success. It’s a subconscious cycle where fear, doubt, or limiting beliefs prevent you from reaching your full potential.
But why does it happen? For many women in transition—whether returning to work, switching careers, or launching a business—self-sabotage often stems from deeply rooted fears. Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of judgment, or even fear of stepping out of comfort zones all play a role. When faced with the unknown, our brains sometimes default to behaviors that protect us from perceived risks, even if those behaviors hold us back.
Real-World Examples of Self-Sabotage
To make this concept more tangible, here are three real-world examples of how self-sabotage plays out in career transitions and personal growth:
- Procrastination in Job Applications
You want to apply for better opportunities, but every time you sit down to update your resume or apply for a job, you convince yourself that you’re not qualified enough. Instead, you spend weeks “perfecting” your resume, endlessly researching companies, or waiting for the “right time” to apply—only to miss out on potential openings. - Low-Balling or Undervaluing Yourself in Business
You start a freelance or small business but struggle to charge what you’re worth. You tell yourself you need more experience or believe that people won’t pay a premium for your services. As a result, you stay stuck working too hard for too little and never make the income you deserve. - Saying Yes to Everyone Else’s Needs but Your Own
You dream of building a fulfilling career, but every time an opportunity to invest in yourself arises (a class, networking event, or mentorship), you tell yourself you’re too busy taking care of others. While responsibilities are real, your inability to prioritize yourself leaves you feeling resentful and unfulfilled.
The Risks of Self-Sabotage Ignorance
Not being aware of your own self-sabotaging behaviors can keep you trapped in an endless cycle of frustration. Here’s what happens when you don’t take a step back and observe how you’re holding yourself back:
- Stagnation in Career Growth:
- Whether it’s staying in an unfulfilling job or avoiding challenges that could lead to growth, self-sabotage keeps you in the same place year after year.
- Lowered Self-Confidence:
- Each time you procrastinate, downplay your worth, or let fear dictate your actions, your belief in yourself erodes a little more.
- Increased Stress and Burnout:
- By putting yourself last or spreading yourself too thin, you create a life filled with overwhelm instead of balance.
- Missed Opportunities:
- Every time you delay applying for a job, refuse to charge your worth, or hold yourself back, you let incredible opportunities pass you by.
How External Factors Contribute to Self-Sabotage
While self-sabotage starts internally, external influences like social circles, comfort zones, and even family dynamics can reinforce it:
- Your Friends & Family – The people around you can unknowingly feed into your self-doubt. Comments like “Are you sure you want to leave your stable job?” or “Maybe you should wait until things are less stressful” can make you second-guess your decisions.
- Your Comfort Zone – Stepping into a new role, starting a business, or pursuing a big goal can feel intimidating. Your brain tells you to stay where it’s safe, reinforcing the cycle of procrastination or self-doubt.
- Social Conditioning – Many women have been conditioned to put others first, be “nice,” and not take up too much space. This makes it harder to advocate for yourself, negotiate salaries, or set firm boundaries.
The 5 Most Common Forms of Self-Sabotage and How to Overcome Them
- Procrastination
- What it looks like: Constantly delaying tasks or making excuses for why you can’t start something.
- How to overcome it: Set small, achievable goals and use time-blocking techniques to create deadlines for yourself. Take action, even if it’s imperfect.
- Imposter Syndrome
- What it looks like: Feeling like a fraud despite your accomplishments, believing you’re not “good enough” to succeed.
- How to overcome it: Keep a journal of your wins, seek mentorship, and remind yourself that no one knows everything—they just start and learn along the way.
- Negative Self-Talk
- What it looks like: Saying things like “I’m just cant do it,” “I’ve never been good at…,” or “I’ll never succeed.”
- How to overcome it: Challenge negative thoughts by asking, “Is this absolutely true?” and replace them with affirmations that reinforce your growth.
- Fear of Failure (or Success)
- What it looks like: Avoiding opportunities because you fear messing up—or succeeding and not being able to handle it.
- How to overcome it: Shift your perspective—failure is a stepping stone, and success is something you can grow into with time.
- Over-committing & People-Pleasing
- What it looks like: Saying yes to things that drain you while putting your own dreams on the back burner.
- How to overcome it: Set boundaries. Practice saying, “I can’t commit to that right now,” and prioritize your own goals without guilt.
Final Thoughts: Take Back Control
Self-sabotage isn’t a life sentence. The moment you recognize it, you gain the power to break free from it. Instead of being your own worst enemy, you can become your biggest supporter.
If you’re ready to break the cycle and take control of your future, start by identifying one self-sabotaging habit and commit to changing it today.
Need support? Join our community of like-minded women who are overcoming self-doubt and reclaiming their success.
Take the first step—what’s one small action you can take today to move past your self-sabotaging tendencies? Share your thoughts in the comments!
Speak your mind!